anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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