No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
