Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
