Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
