He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
