I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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