I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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