If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
