Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Drunk is not a location!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
