I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I bet he comes in French.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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