Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
jump out the window naked night went bad
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