girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
