it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
