I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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