Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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