dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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