i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
