so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
