There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
