Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
