yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
