I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
