woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
