she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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