i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
