i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
