Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
