just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
