if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
