pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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