Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
