I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
