we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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