Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i will never coherently bang her
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
