matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
