I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
