Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
