My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
