and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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