did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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