I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
