my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
