So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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