I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
