I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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