We're facebook friends in real life
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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