im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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