Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
