I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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