He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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