I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
