dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
