Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
