My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
